I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
