shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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