My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
