god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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