Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
