I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You don't make any sense
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