So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So vagazzling was a success
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize