she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
