Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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