fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
