I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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