I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
