You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
