I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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