i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
