i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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