I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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