apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
