i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
