mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
