i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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