So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
