I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
this is an emotional support booty call
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
