the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize