well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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