I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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