why do cheetos always look like penises
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
