I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
