Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
