i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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