My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
