I'm jealous of your bromance
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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