Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
