I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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