uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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