My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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