No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
