We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
