Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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