I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
