even my farts smell like vagina
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
