Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Found your dick twin last night
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
