I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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