If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
