watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
