My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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