We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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