Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
