I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
