The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
