I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
