Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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