So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
