Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
