i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
