We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
