if you like me you must not know who I am
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
