If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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