I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Randomize
