I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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