Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
