So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
