dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
