I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize