how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
