when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
