I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
