u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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