sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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