Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
