The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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